


Wordless Departures

by Aussie_Delphine



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, cophine - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:24:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4516527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aussie_Delphine/pseuds/Aussie_Delphine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking place after the S03 finale, how does Cosima find out about Delphine's 'death', how does she cope and who does she turn to in her darkest hour? This is just a bunch of ideas I have floating around in my angsty, post-Delphine heartache. My first attempt at fic writing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sarah placed her belongings on the wooden floor of the loft with a thud; four days worth of clothes seemed to make an awfully loud noise upon impact. Pulling the heavy iron door closed behind her, she followed the usual procedure and safe locked it with a screwdriver and began for the kitchen. The loft was unusually quiet; she couldn’t remember the last time she had had it all to herself. All too often she’d return to find her brother finishing up ‘business’ with one of his clients, Cosima and Delphine frantically buttoning up blouses and tiding hair, or, of late, Castor Clone’s setting up camp. 

Keeping Kira with Cal was still, for now at least, the safest option. There was no way she was going to risk her life any further; the kid had definitely seen more than her fair share of terror, of tears, of blood. It wasn’t fair to keep putting all that bullshit on an an 8 year old. So, after parting ways with her immediate and extended family, she was alone for the first time in the longest time and she was suddenly uneasy. She’d become too accustomed to living in constant fear, even of her own shadow on occasion, so having at least one familiar face around her always kept her steadier. Alone, she felt exposed and vulnerable. 

She reached for the bottle of bourbon that was sitting on the windowsill; 11am wasn’t too early, really, at least in the I’m-a-fucking-clone-and-I’m-in-way-over-my-head world. She figured she deserved it anyway; the past few weeks had been a shitstorm. Too many issues, too much heartache. She’d rather just forget it all and remind herself of the past four days; of being with Kira, watching the Northern Lights, sipping hot chocolate and breathing her in. Or of listening to S and Kira duet on the piano, accompanied by Cal on the guitar. Or of finding comfort, wrapped in the arms of Cal, nestled into his warm embrace as the snow fell outside. She didn’t know for certain when their next reunion would be, so she made the very most of it in those few days. 

 

_‘I love you, Monkey’._

_‘I love you too’._

_‘I bet you’ll be as tall as me when I see you next. I might not even be able to pick you up anymore’._

_‘Maybe I’ll be able to pick you up’._

_‘Yeah, maybe you will’._

 

All too quickly the pleasantries in her head came to an abrupt pause as a sigh from the bed shook her out of her stupor. She very nearly lost the bottle grasped in her hand. 

‘Shit!’ 

The golden liquor swished in the bottle in sync with her jolt and she quickly placed it back on the bench for safe keeping. Her attention focused on the mass laying on the bed; unmoving, silent once again. Instinctively, she reached for the cutlery draw and gripped firmly onto a knife; her memory screaming back to Rudy hiding in this very loft, threatening the life of her own flesh and blood in a more than sadistic manner. She felt her hearts momentum pick up. 

She’d never been the brave type, never been the hero; that was until all of _this_ happened and suddenly she was the one everyone turned to. Why exactly did that happen? When did she become a leader? When did she cast her egocentrism aside and begin thinking of others? Even now, she didn’t realise she was already on the move towards the bed, ready to step up and potentially confront an enemy. Old Sarah would never do that. She felt her breath hitch in her throat as she approached the bed, trying desperately to keep herself as quiet as possible. But when she finally reached her destination, knife gripped tightly by white knuckled fingers, she felt herself ease; her heart slowed and she sighed heavily. 

Her dreadlocked genetic identical was wrapped tightly in the red satin sheets, curled in a ball, glasses propped awkwardly on her face. Sarah placed the knife on the bedside table and sat softly next to Cosima and thanked whoever might have been listening. She was not exactly ready to take on a Castor Clone or a Prolethian today. She glanced down at her sister and noticed the sheen of sweat across her uncharacteristically red and clammy face; she looked unwell, was she relapsing? She brought her hand to Cosima’s forehead and felt for a temperature; she was running a little warm, but definitely nothing concerning. 

She stirred beneath her hand and turned slightly, eyes fluttering open as they focused on Sarah sitting above her. 

‘Hmmm’, she went to rub her eyes but quickly realised her glasses were still on, ‘shit’. 

‘Hey, Cos’. 

‘Sarah?’

‘Just checking you’re okay. You’re a little red’. 

Cosima cleared her throat and pulled her glasses from her face to give her eyes a quick rub. 

‘Yeah, it’s…it’s nothing’. 

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah, it’s…’

She was sat up now, equal in stature against her sister, quickly returning her glasses to her face and meeting Sarah’s gaze. 

‘Wow, you look like shit’. 

‘So do you’. 

‘Sorry. I mean, you just look…tired’. 

‘I am’, Sarah rubbed the back of her hand against her eyes, ‘it’s been a big few days’. 

Cosima gave a half-hearted smile and grew unnervingly still. 

‘Cos, are you-…wait, have you been crying?’

‘Sarah,’ she quickly interjected, ‘I just need to like, _not_ , right now. If that makes sense?’

‘Not at all. What’s going on?’

‘Nothing’. 

‘Have you seen you, Cosima? You’re a mess’. 

‘Honestly, it’s nothing. I’m fine’. 

‘Yeah, well I have a harder time believing you every time you say that’. 

Sarah pulled her phone from her pocket and began flipping through her contacts. 

‘What are you doing?’

‘Calling Delphine. Honestly, I don’t know why she isn’t here with you’. 

‘Sarah,’

‘No, Cos. I get it, she’s got all this heavy shit going on but still, you’re clearly not well’. 

‘Sarah, I’m fine’. 

‘No, Cosima. She should bloody be here, even if you two ended it, she’s still your doctor’.

Sarah brought her phone to her ear and waited as the phone rang. She huffed when she was greeted with voice message. 

_Bonjour, this is Delphine Cormier. I cannot take your call. Please leave a message and I will get back to you. Merci._

‘Yeah, it’s Sarah. Call us back when you’ve got a minute’. 

She hung up. 

‘Sarah’, it was barely a whisper but loud enough for her to hear the quake in her voice. 

She realised Cosima was sobbing softly, clutching her arms around her body and shaking uncontrollably. 

‘Shit! Cosima, what is going on?’ 

She unwrapped her arms momentarily to hand her a small cardboard card showcasing distinct DYAD lettering. Quickly glancing down at the hand that had been gripping the card, her eyes followed the distinct red imprints lined along her palm; a soft sting crept out of each trail. 

‘What is this?’ 

Flipping it, her eyes met with _324B21._

‘Cos, I’m sorry, I don’t understand?’

She clenched her fists tightly and let out a pained sob; animalistic, almost. Sarah had never seen her sister this way and she could feel a sudden sickness building in her gut. 

‘Whoa! Hey, hey!’ 

Sarah grabbed Cosima tightly and rocked with her as her identical continued wailing. 

‘Jesus Christ, Cos. Tell me what is going on!’

Still in her grasp, she unlocked her phone and frantically tapped the screen. 

_get over here now!_

The sound of the txt’s departure was her cue to throw the phone down the other end of the bed. She repositioned herself so that she was sitting on top of her knees, prompting Cosima to draw nearer. And she did; she nestled tightly against her chest, her arms were a vice grip around Sarah’s ribcage and she heaved desperate breaths. They continued rocking for several minutes more, Sarah feeling every convolution her sister made beneath her grip but eventually, her breathing smoothed and she slackened against her chest. Silently they sat. The faint sound of a leaking faucet broke the silence that loomed and Sarah trembled as her mind raced; fear clouded her thoughts. 

‘She’s dead’, she whispered suddenly.

Sarah’s heart skipped a beat. 

Silence. 

Silence. 

Silence. 

‘Cos-’

‘Sarah,’ she looked up into her sisters eyes, ‘Delphine is dead’.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is set a few days earlier, specifically, the morning after 'give your sisters all my love'.

‘I think we need to talk’.  
Shay’s voice came through the phone with an unexpected calmness and Cosima propped herself up on the lounge, slightly alarmed.  
‘Uh, yeah? Sure’.  
‘Sooner, rather than later’.  
‘Okay’, Cosima was wary, ‘where did you wanna meet?’  
‘I’m at home’.  
Cosima’s heart fell out of rhythm for only a fraction of a second but it was just strong enough for her to feel her chest compress. Yesterday, she was certain, was the deal breaker; it wasn’t exactly a warm last encounter. It ended with a ‘just go’, with tears in their eyes and heaviness in their hearts. Cosima really hadn’t expected to hear from her again.  
‘I’m leaving now,’ she said as she rose from her groove on the lounge, ‘I’ll be there in like, fifteen minutes’.  
The phone disconnected at Shay’s end suddenly and Cosima pulled the phone from her ear slowly; perhaps there was still a little animosity.  
She locked her phone, threw it in her bag and searched for her red jacket amongst the others hanging on the hooks in Felix’ loft. Her fingers eventually brushed against the familiar feel of her favourite red coat and she pulled it towards herself; flinging it over her shoulder in one smooth motion. Her eye caught sight of a long blond hair, entwined in the fibres of the coat sleeve; a distinct hair that couldn’t be misidentified.  
_Delphine _.__  
Cosima’s eyes fixed on the strand, watching as it danced on a whispering air current; twisting and twirling. She pulled at it with care, watching as it uprooted from the coat. Almost as if with a pop, the strand disconnected from the coat and she watched as it coiled. With her opposing thumb and forefinger, she traced the length of the hair until she had reached the end; pulling it straight and tight. One hair. Just one, separate from the million others it once neighboured.  
That brilliant hair.  
It smelled of coconut and mango and it shone bright in the sunshine. She would play with it; grip it; run her fingers through it whenever she could. She remembered the way it felt as it trailed behind the kisses Delphine placed on her belly as she descended low.  
One hair. A million memories.  
She sighed.  
She hadn’t seen Delphine since last night; nor had she heard from her. In hindsight, she knew there was something amiss, something off and yet, she just let her go; if only she had refused to let her leave. In hindsight, she remembered the silence the two shared when Delphine vanished for the first time and how it had nagged at her every thought until they reunited. In hindsight, she remembered the sting of 'I can’t do this' and how it tore her apart from the inside out.  
And right now, she wished she'd never feel so alone again.  
_Where are you, Delphine?_  
She let the hair go and watched it fall to the ground. 

\- - - -

She had been standing out the front of Shay’s door for several minutes, now. She couldn’t bring herself to knock and wondered if perhaps she should just leave. If anything, all Shay was going to do was demand her house key back and the few items of clothing she’d lent her. There might be raised voices, perhaps a slap to the face. She expected it, really.  
Suddenly, the door creaked open and Cosima’s breath caught in her throat.  
‘Uh, hey. Sorry, I was just-’  
‘Lingering?’  
‘I…sorry’.  
‘It’s fine. Come in’.  
‘Thanks’.  
Cosima stepped into the quaint apartment, her attention immediately focusing on the smell of the soup Shay had simmering on the stovetop.  
‘Wow, that, uh…that smells amazing’, she said is she twisted her hands against each other awkwardly.  
‘Mmm, yeah. It’s my grandmothers recipe. It reminds me of her’.  
Cosima smiled softly as she watched Shay turn back to the stove and stir at her concoction. The room fell silent, almost uncomfortably so. Just a few days ago, this place was familiar and warm; Cosima would have already been making her way to the bed, clothes strewn across the floor as she went. It became routine very quickly; sex first, domesticity later, neither woman complaining. 

_‘I feel like I know your body better than I actually know you’._  
_Cosima inhaled deeply as she felt Shay trail light fingertips along her back._  
_‘Is that a bad thing, do you think?’_  
_‘Hmm’, a soft kiss to the back of her neck, ‘not necessarily’, a playful nip to her ear._  
_The goosebumps that rose along Cosima’s body gave her away instantly._  
_‘See, I knew you'd like that’._  
_‘Mmmm', Cosima giggled into her pillow._  
_‘But I want to know more'._

Shay turned to see Cosima looking around the room awkwardly; she could tell she didn’t exactly know where to put herself.  
‘So,’ she said as she brought a spoonful of broth to her lips, blowing gently, ‘we need to talk’.  
‘Yeah, you said’.  
Cosima watched as Shay sipped the soup and gently closed her eyes with satisfaction; it was a look she had seen in different context. Her stomach knotted slightly.  
‘I…’ Shay scoffed slightly, ‘Jesus, I don’t even know how to start’.  
‘Neither do I’.  
Shay placed the spoon on the countertop, covered the soup and walked towards Cosima.  
‘A part of me is really pissed off, you should know that’.  
‘Yeah, I expect you are’.  
‘Your crazy ex is a psycho, you should also know that’.  
Cosima felt her body stiffen; she still couldn’t imagine Delphine actually threatening the things Shay said she did, or worse, actually carrying them out.  
‘She’s just…’  
Shay rose her eyebrows bemusedly.  
‘Never mind’.  
‘And another part of me,’ she began as she reached Cosima, ’just…wants to make out for like, seven hours straight. You should know that too’.  
Cosima swallowed hard at her own words being thrown back at her.  
Shay hooked a finger on the hem of her skirt.  
‘Why is that, do you think?’  
She looked up almost seductively.  
‘Why is what?’  
‘Why is it that I am still mad about you? I don’t even know you’.  
‘Chemicals?’ Cosima offered, ‘spiritual forces?’  
The two women looked each other over silently.  
‘I like you, Cosima but I should be running away. This,’ she gestured between them, ‘isn’t…right’.  
‘I know. I wish it were different’.  
‘Why can’t it be?’  
‘Because there are some things I have no control over, not even of myself’.  
Shay furrowed her brow slightly.  
‘I wish I could give you all the answers bu-’  
‘Then give me some!’ Shay interjected. ‘Just…some’.  
Cosima hesitated and bit at her bottom lip.  
‘Please?’  
‘Okay’.  
Shay grabbed Cosima’s hand and pulled her down to sit alongside her on the lounge.  
‘What is your real name?’  
‘You know that’.  
‘But do I really?’ Shay tilted her head almost playfully.  
‘Yes. It’s Cosima Niehaus’.  
‘Where and when were you born, Cosima Niehaus?’  
‘The Bay Area, San Francisco. March 9th, 1984’.  
‘Do you have any siblings?’  
Cosima paused.  
_Shit._  
‘I…’, she was stuck already.  
Technically, the number was undisclosed, though to say that would be dangerous and confusing. Raised as an only child, living as a woman with multiple genetic identicals.  
It was messy.  
‘Ask me another question?’  
‘Really?’  
Cosima nodded.  
‘O-kay’, Shay’s confusion was absolutely clear.  
‘What exactly do you do at DYAD?’  
Cosima paused again.  
‘Can I pass?’  
‘Fine,’ she was over tiptoeing, ‘do you still love Delphine?’  
It was sharp and spat like fire.  
‘Shay, I-’  
Shay looked as the clone squirmed uncomfortably in her seat.  
‘Do you still love her?’  
‘It’s complicated’.  
Shay let out an exasperated sigh and threw her head back.  
‘How did you two meet?’  
‘It’s…’ she cringed, ‘complicated’.  
Shay’s patience was gone and she rose to her feet, towering over the clone.  
‘324B21!’  
The surge of panic that shot through Cosima’s body knocked the breath straight out of her lungs.  
‘What?’  
‘324B21’.  
‘How do you know that number?’  
‘What does it mean, Cosima?’  
‘Wait, no. Answer me. How do you know that number?’  
‘Delphine’.  
‘What? What do you mean, Delphine?’  
‘She came here yesterday and gave me this-’ she reached into her pocket and pulled out the DYAD company card, flicking it at Cosima so it landed in her lap, ‘and told me to tell you to tell me everything’.  
Cosima studied the card closely; it was undoubtedly Delphine’s handwriting.  
‘She said that?’ Cosima shot her eyes up to meet Shays; she could feel the tears begin to well.  
‘Yeah but she also said it’s your decision if you actually do decide to tell me anything. I’m guessing you’re probably not going to tell me shit. Seems to be your _thing_ , yeah?’  
Cosima clasped the card in her hands tightly and panicked; she was cornered and alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a 'jump back and forward in time' style story. Italics indicate scenarios that happened much further back than the immediate timeframe of this story. Hopefully that makes sense.


	3. Chapter 3

_Bonjour, this is Delphine Cormier…_  
‘Oh, c’mon, Delphine!’  
_…message and I will get back to you. Merci._  
‘Delphine, I don’t know what is going or why you won’t answer any of my calls but I’m at the DYAD now and we need to talk!’  
Cosima climbed the stairs to the DYAD’s main entrance and pushed through the glass doors with force. Since leaving Shay’s she had tried countless times to contact Delphine, only to be greeted with her voice message on every attempt. What started out as annoyance quickly turned to worry and she dismissed her plan of returning to the loft and instead, set out for the DYAD.  
Why all of a sudden, was Delphine sharing confidential information with the woman she had not 72 hours earlier, threatened to let bleed to death in a bathtub? Why the sudden change of heart?  
It didn’t add up and Cosima’s mind raced with all possible scenarios as to why this may be the case. 

_‘I have to go’._  
_‘What? Cosima, you can’t be serious?’._  
_‘I am’ she said as she rose to her feet, ‘I really have to go’._  
_‘Cosima, if you walk out,’ she grabbed the dreadlocked clones arm, pleadingly but firm ‘that’s it’._  
_Cosima froze in her stead._  
_‘Don’t, Shay. Please’._  
_Shay grasped tighter._  
_‘Then just stay and talk to me. Cosima, c’mon’._  
_‘I can’t’._  
_Shay let her go and wrapped her arms around her chest, her eyes dropping to the floor._  
_‘Then don’t come back’._  
_Cosima felt her heart sink and couldn’t stop her bottom lip from trembling._  
_‘I’m sorry’._

‘Uh, excuse me. You can’t just walk in here!’  
Cosima turned to a small woman occupying the front desk.  
_Shit._  
‘I need to see Dr. Cormier’, she said as she turned on her heels and began forward.  
‘Miss, you can’t just make those arrangements for yourself. You need an appointment’.  
‘Fine’, she said as she leant against the cold maple, ‘then make me an appointment’.  
The small woman furrowed her brow and looked uneasy.  
‘Miss, Dr. Cormier won’t be taking any appointments today’.  
Cosima huffed in frustration.  
‘I shouldn’t even need an appointment, she’s my girlfriend!’  
She felt herself blush as the woman eyed her awkwardly.  
‘I mean, physician’, she waved her hands matter-of-factly, ‘she’s my physician’.  
‘Right’.  
‘Can you just help, please?’  
Cosima’s frustrations were mounting.  
‘One second’, she woman held a finger up, motioning Cosima to wait as her other hand began dialling.  
Cosima watched her with intent.  
‘Uh, yes. I have a…, one moment’, she held her hand to the mouthpiece, ‘I’m sorry, your name is?’  
‘Cosima Niehaus’.  
‘I have a Cosima Niehaus here to see Dr. Cormi-’, she paused suddenly, and nodded silently, ‘yes, mhmm. Okay’.  
Cosima watched on, trying to hear any of what was being said on the other end.  
‘Okay, will she need an escort?’  
Cosima groaned.  
‘Okay, I’ll send her up’.  
She felt herself slacken with a hint of relief and watched as the young woman motioned over two heavy set security guards.  
‘You will be escorted to Dr. Cormier’s office. You’ll need one of these,’ she said as she handed Cosima a visitors pass, ‘and you will need to stay with your escorts for the entirety of your visit here today’.  
‘Yep, cool. Great. Can I go now?’  
‘Yes’.  
Cosima turned with the security guards in tow and began for the elevator.

 

‘What floor?’  
‘Top’.  
She watched as the elevator button lit up and the doors slowly shut. She quickly whipped her phone out and tapped the screen.  
_i’m coming up now_  
The ride to the top seemed painfully longer than usual and Cosima swayed with impatience. She caught one of the men eyeing her awkwardly.  
‘Sorry, uh, nervous habit’.  
He raised his eyebrows, unamused.  
When the doors opened for the top floor, she walked out with determination in her stride, her gait faster than usual. As she rounded the corner to Delphine’s office, she noticed the door was open and a shadow moving across the floor indicated Delphine was present.  
She stopped before she made her way in.  
‘Uh, hey. Do you reckon you can like, just wait out here?’  
‘We have to keep you in sight’.  
‘Yeah, and I appreciate that. You’re doing your job - gotta make a living and all that jazz. But like, truth is, we’re on the top floor and this room has one entry and one exit and you’re guarding it. I’m not gonna chuck a Spidey and make a kickass decent out the window, although that would be like, way cool’.  
The men looked at each other and Cosima shot them her toothy grin.  
‘Pleaaaaaase?’  
‘Fine, but you’ve got 10 minutes’.  
‘Perfect,’ she waved her hands, ‘thank you!’  
She turned into the office, shutting the door behind her hurriedly.  
She then very quickly realised something was wrong. 

 

‘Delphine?’  
‘Hello, Ms. Niehaus’, came a voice from inside the private bathroom.  
Through the door came a young redheaded woman carrying a cardboard box in her arms.  
‘Excuse me, but who the hell are you?’  
‘Bryce, Dr. Cormier’s new assistant’.  
‘O-kay. What are you doing? Where is Delphine?’  
‘Ms. Niehaus, please sit’, she gestured for the vacant seat in front of the desk.  
‘No thanks’, she took a brief step forward, ‘What are you doing?’  
Cosima studied the box in Bryce’s arms.  
‘Gathering up the few possessions Dr. Cormier kept here. I am just packing them for storage’.  
‘Storage? What? Why? Where is she?’  
Bryce placed the box down, rounded the table and met Cosima on the other side. Her face suddenly grew solemn.  
‘Ms. Niehaus, I am sorry to inform you Dr. Cormier is no longer with us’.  
Cosima shook her head in confusion.  
‘So she’s been sent back to Frankfurt? Has she left yet or…’  
There was a strange silence shared between the two women and Bryce cleared her throat awkwardly.  
‘I’m sorry, you’ve misunderstood’.  
‘Then what?’  
‘Ms. Niehaus, Dr. Cormier passed away last night’.  
Cosima felt a wave of sick crash over her body and she was suddenly light headed; swaying and clenching her jaw tightly.  
‘Please, Ms. Niehaus, you should sit down!’  
‘Stop calling me that!’  
‘I’m s-’  
‘Where is Delphine?’  
‘I told you sh-’  
‘You’re lying!’  
‘I promise you I am not’.  
Cosima gripped at her abdomen and tried to fight away the taste of bile filling her mouth.  
‘Where is Delphine!’  
‘Cosima, please’, the young woman raised her hands in surrender, ‘Dr. Cormier was found last night in the parking garage with a gunshot wound. I was informed it was self inflicted’.  
‘No, she wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t commit suicide. Why would she?’.  
‘I’m so sorry, I don’t know’.  
‘I-’,  
They came to a stand still.  
‘Cosima?’  
‘Move!’  
Cosima ran towards the bathroom and reached the toilet just in time; the contents of her gut expelling from her with force.  
_Oh, my God._  
_No._  
_Please, no._  
_Don’t do this._  
She heaved again.  
The taste and smell was overwhelming.  
_Delphine._  
_Don’t you dare do this to me._  
Again; less this time.  
_Delphine._  
The need to continue purging finally settled.  
_I am so sorry._  
She rose from the ground, flushing the toilet before she returned to the office. Her gaze met once again with the young receptionist, still standing quietly in the same place she had left her moments before.  
‘When did this happen?’  
‘Last night, around 9pm’.  
_Not long after Bubbles._  
‘And what? What happened?’  
‘I was told a witness heard a gunshot in the car park downstairs and found her a few minutes later’.  
‘Was she…’ Cosima trailed off.  
The young woman instinctively knew the rest of that question.  
‘Yes. She was already gone’.  
Cosima exhaled a sharp breath and brought her hands to her mouth; she shook her head.  
‘It’s got to be a mistake’.  
‘I’m sorry, it isn’t’.  
She grasped at her face tightly and could hear her pulse in her ears.  
‘I need to see her’.  
‘I’m sorry, that’s not possible’.  
Her heart jolted.  
‘What do you mean not possible?’  
‘I mean, Dr. Cormier’s…remains’, she paused momentarily to make sure she hand’t overstepped her position, ‘were taken into DYAD’s care earlier this morning’.  
‘And what exactly does that mean?’ her tone suddenly terrifying.  
‘It means she has been cremated and her ashes stored’.  
Fury boiled in Cosima’s veins like a wildfire.  
‘What?’  
Bryce's heart faltered; she knew she was about to be punished.  
‘You cannot just cremate someone without informing their family!’  
‘I’m sorry, Ms. Niehaus but what family?’  
‘Her parents?'  
Cosima began pacing back and forward, clenching her fists until they stung.  
‘Me! I don’t know. Someone! Anyone!’  
‘She had no listed next of kin.'  
Cosima stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face Bryce; her face flushed and her eyes beginning to water.  
'According to her personal file, she had no living family members’.  
‘What?’  
‘Cosima…Dr. Cormier didn’t have any family’.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super sorry.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not entirely confident with this chapter but it kinda is just a little filler; hopefully people can overlook it being a little crap lol.

The rain soaked Cosima to the bone; her body trembling as the cold seeped through her clothes onto her skin. Her coat had grown heavier under the weight of the rain and her dreadlocks had begun to frizz. She wasn’t sure of how long she had been wandering since leaving the DYAD, but the sun was now well and truly set and the city lights were beginning to buzz. It had been hours, she knew that much; the pain in her joints and the hunger in her belly screamed for recovery. It was time to find a place to rest. 

_‘That’s not possible. She would have told me that!’._  
_‘I’m sorry, Cosima. But her records are as up to date as recently as three months ago’._  
_Cosima felt her heart grow heavy with the idea of Delphine being alone, not only in life but in death._  
_‘Show me, then’._  
_‘I’m sorry, I can’t’._  
_‘Why not?’_  
_‘Her file is private and confidential’._  
_Cosima clenched her jaw, ‘but she was my monitor’._  
_‘I’m sorry, that doesn’t give you the authority to peruse her file’._  
_‘She was also my girlfriend’._  
_This time, Cosima didn’t blush; rather, the word fell off her lips strong and true._  
_‘It’s still not enough’._  
_‘Can you just sympathise for two goddamn seconds here, please?’_  
_‘I do sympathise, I am truly sorry for your loss’._  
_Cosima scoffed; ’Then give me something more than just a bunch of forwarded messages from your higher ups!’_  
_The two women stood opposing each other in close proximity; Cosima could feel herself beginning to crumble._  
_‘There is one thing I can give you’, the woman spoke as she rummaged through the cardboard box on the desk, ‘but just this one thing’._  
_‘I’ll take anything,’ Cosima looked at her through desperate eyes, ‘Just, give me something’._

Suddenly, her attention focused to her surroundings; a quiet park to her right, an art gallery across the street. There was a familiar concoction of lavender and Indian Cuisine scenting the air. She had ended up in the one place she least expected to, nor intended to and she stopped in the middle of the walk way, suddenly.  
‘You right?’ an angered pedestrian spat as they manoeuvred around her; tipping their umbrella in the process and dumping even more cold water over her body.  
’S-sorry’.  
‘Fucking learn to walk, you dumb bitch’.  
She inhaled sharply; she didn’t have the energy to deal with assholes tonight.  
The rain continued to fall as she studied the street signs surrounding her.  
_It’s only three blocks away._  
She was conflicted. She knew for certain Felix would be home tonight and immediately her heart sank. His opinion of Delphine wasn’t exactly in high regard and she knew she couldn’t confide in him on this topic in particular. The last time he intervened and tried to mend her broken heart, she ended up making a Sapphire account. The last thing she needed was Felix ‘trying to help’ but in actuality, just making things worse; Delphine didn’t deserve that bullshit, not then, not now.  
Sarah was her only other person and considering she was in Alaska with Kira, she didn’t want to offload her drama onto her. It wouldn’t be fair of her to do that; not to Sarah and least of all to Kira. The kid needed her mother before Cosima needed her sister. Her mind continued making up a list of pro’s and con’s and eventually settled on the one course of action she knew she shouldn’t engage in; but what more was there for her to lose? What could possibly be worse than learning the one person you truly loved had died alone? 

_‘You okay?’_  
_‘Hm? Yeah, I’m fine’._  
_‘You sure?’_  
_‘Totally’._  
_‘Was I too forward?’_  
_‘Shh. No, nope. Not at all, I promise’._  
_‘You just seem…distant?’_  
_‘It’s nothing, really. Don’t stress’._  
_‘Okay. Would you like to just, sleep?’_  
_‘Yeah, absolutely’._  
_Cosima rolled on her side and felt a warm, naked body press up against her back; an arm falling down over her ribcage and resting_ _against her chest. A lone tear fell down her cheek. Her mind rewound to the day she lay opposite Delphine; watching over her,_ _comforting her, loving her. Her heart swelled at the recollection and the feeling of true happiness._  
_What have I done?_  
_She held her breath as she listened for Shay to quietly drift into slumber behind her._

Three blocks seemed unusually long; even longer than the hours she had been aimlessly wandering the city. But when she finally arrived, she bit down on her lip hard and shook. She couldn’t differentiate the convolutions as being a product of the cold or the adrenaline but either way, her body was responding in the only manner it currently saw fit.  
She made the step forward through the building’s main entrance and began for the second floor. Holding firmly onto the hand railing as she climbed the stairs, the draft that swept through the stairwell chilled her to the bone; she was surely on the verge of making herself incredibly ill. Her attention focused on the checkered tiling on the second floor landing as she completed the last few steps and she began for the wooden door she had come to know so well.  
Without hesitation, she knocked. The force made her frozen knuckles scream in pain; she inspected her hand, only to notice her skin was a light shade of blue.  
The door slowly pulled open.  
‘Hey,’ she paused and bit down on her lip, ‘I know you said not to come back but, I don’t know where else to go’, she began to sob and heaved in deep breaths, ‘I just need someone right now’.  
She stood trembling; holding her body tightly in her own arms as she continued to sob. It was the first time today she had finally let herself go; the first time she had finally shed a tear; the first time the weight of it all became too much for her to cope. She threw an arm out to collect the wall beside her and support her weight; her body was finally giving in.  
‘Please?’, she whispered, ‘I need you’.  
Shay looked at her through clouded eyes; tears beginning to fall down her face.  
She opened the door further and pulled Cosima into her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super thrilled to see people on here, Twitter and Tumblr taking an interest in my ramblings. Thank you. There will be chapters like this one that are just short and sweet and others like Ch. 3 that are much more involved. 
> 
> For those asking, Delphine for the intents and purposes of this fic is 'Orphan Black Dead' - interpret that how you will ;) 
> 
> Thanks Buddies!


	5. Chapter 5

‘Take your clothes off’.  
Shay pulled away from Cosima slowly and looked her up and down.  
‘What? Why?’  
‘Honey, you’re soaking wet’, she said as she rubbed her hands up and down Cosima’s arms, ‘you’re going to get yourself sick’.  
Cosima was suddenly reminded of the cold that was coursing throughout her body and she shuddered.  
‘C’mon,’ Shay grasped her hand and pulled her further inside, ’let’s get you warm’.  
Shutting the door behind them, Shay lead her into the middle of the open room and halted her.  
Cosima breathed in deep; the air in the room was warm and fragranced with the scent of honey and ginger.  
She suddenly began to sob and drew her hands to her face and less than heartbeat later, Shay was pulling her close.  
‘I don’t know what’s happened, Cosima and you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’ve got you’, she kissed her forehead lightly, ‘I’ve got you’.  
Cosima buried her face into Shay’s shoulder and sighed heavily.  
‘Here’, Shay pulled away and slipped her hands inside Cosima’s coat; their eyes meeting and locking. She pushed her arms further inwards and quietly slipped the coat from off Cosima’s shoulders; letting it fall to the ground in a heap. She paused momentarily to make sure she wasn’t pushing too far, studying Cosima’s body language but Cosima remained still, locked in her frozen state.  
‘Arms up, babe’.  
Co-operatively, Cosima raised her stiff arms and allowed Shay to pull her shirt from her torso, the soggy material sticking against her face as it rose; the rush of warm blood flooding her joints stinging slightly. Shay bent low and grasped the hem of Cosima’s skirt, pulling it down gently, collecting her underwear and the stockings that covered her legs in the process. She rose back to her feet and once again and brought her gaze back to Cosima.  
‘Step’.  
Again, Cosima obeyed and stepped forward out of the heap of garments pooled at her ankles.  
‘You okay?’  
Cosima nodded and exhaled a shallow breath as Shay gave her a small smile. Suddenly, she stepped to Cosima’s side and around; positioning herself behind her semi-exposed body.  
‘Let me fix these quickly, okay?’, Shay whispered as she studied Cosima’s unkempt dreadlocks.  
She pulled at the hairband uniting the mass of dreads from it’s position and slipped it over her wrist. The soggy hair fell down Cosima’s back and over her shoulders; small drops of water trickled down her skin. Recollecting the body of hair with both hands, she bunched it into a tight heap and securely reapplied the hairband higher than before.  
‘There’, she said as she rested her hands on Cosima’s bare shoulders, ‘that’s better’.  
Her hands slowly descended further down Cosima’s shoulders and met the clasp of her bra; unhooking it quickly and effortlessly.  
Cosima felt her bare breasts fall slightly as the bra fell away, and shuddered as goosebumps covered her body.  
Letting out a trembling sigh as she felt the warmth of Shay’s breath hitting her bare back, Cosima could feel herself swaying gently as tired limbs struggled to keep her upright.  
‘C’mon,’ Shay whispered as she stepped back in front of Cosima, grasping her hand gently, ‘come with me’.  
The two women silently made their way across the room; a stark contrast from their previous journey’s in the same direction.  
Tears continued falling from Cosima’s eyes as they reached the porcelain tub, freestanding in the middle of the apartment.  
Quickly, she noticed there was steam rising from the water pooled inside and a fluffy coating of white bubbles floating on the waters surface. She looked at Shay, questioningly.  
‘I was about to take a bath when you showed up,’ she said with a smile, ‘I was really looking forward to it, too’.  
They both let out a small laugh.  
‘But, I think you need it more than me, honey’, she said as she pulled Cosima’s glasses gently from her face, ‘you need to get warm’.  
Cosima felt her body begin to shake again as the tears fell faster from her eyes and she chewed at her bottom lip.  
‘Hey,’ Shay whispered assuringly as she leant down to meet her fallen gaze, ‘whatever has happened, we’ll figure it out, okay?’  
Cosima let out a heavy sob and fell into Shay’s embrace.  
‘Come on, let’s get you in this bath, Cosima’.  
Slowly Cosima descended into the hot water, her body screaming in pained delight as warmth flowed back into her. She nestled herself as far as possible beneath the bubbles; holding her belly tightly and tucking her knees closely to her body.  
Shay knelt at the side of the bath, resting her chin on crossed arms that sat on the porcelain edge.

 

 _‘Cosima?’_  
_‘In here’._  
_‘Bonjour, ma cherie’._  
_Cosima smiled as Delphine entered the bathroom; she quickly placed her book on the washbasket beside the tub._  
_‘Hey’._  
_‘How was your day?’, she asked before placing a soft but heated kiss upon Cosima’s damp lips; the steam rising from the bath_ _having seemed to have softened them slightly._  
_‘Mmmm’ their lips separated, ‘good, and yours?’_  
_Delphine sighed, ‘long but fine’._  
_‘I’m sorry we couldn’t see each other today’._  
_‘Don’t be silly’, Delphine rebutted as she began to sit on the bathmat neighbouring the tub, ‘these things happen’._  
_‘How was the RoboBitch?’, Cosima snickered._  
_‘Cosima,’ Delphine laughed as she flicked water at her, ‘don’t be like that’._  
_‘Fine. How was Ms. Duncan?’_  
_Delphine sighed softly._  
_‘Do we really have to talk about her?’_  
_‘No, of course not’, Cosima said as she straightened herself up, rising above the blanket of bubbles._  
_‘Good, because as far as I’m concerned, there is only one woman with that face worth focusing my attention on’._  
_Cosima rose her hand from below the surface of the water, shaking it free of bubbles before running it along Delphine’s cheek._  
_‘You are a charmer, you know that?’_  
_‘Hmmm,’ Delphine agreed as she leant into Cosima’s touch, ‘Je suis un poète’._  
_‘Couldn’t agree more’, Cosima smiled, poking her tongue out slightly._  
_‘What are you reading, mon amour?’, Delphine questioned as she grabbed Cosima’s ragged book; the pages were brown, the_ _spine crinkled. The front cover was ripped and the obvious stain of dried water lacquered the bottom corner of the book. ‘Il est_ _si vieux!’, she exclaimed, bewildered._  
_‘It’s this Enid Blyton book from when I was a kid; I got it from a neighbour one Christmas when I was like, 7?’_  
_‘True?’_  
_‘Mhmm, c’est vrai’, Cosima raised her eyebrows and cocked her head, smugly._  
_‘Cheeky’._  
_‘No, but, it’s just one of those books I’ve always kept. I loved it; I think it was my first ‘big book’’._  
_‘Big book?’ Delphine asked, puzzled._  
_‘Yeah, you know, like, the first proper attempt at reading a book more than about shapes or numbers’._  
_‘Ah, I see’, Delphine nodded as she flicked though, falling on a random page and studying the text, ‘it’s lovely’._  
_‘Yeah,’ Cosima smiled. ‘Maybe on day, I can give it to my own kid, you know?’_  
_Delphine shot her an adoring look, ‘you deserve to do that’._  
_Cosima smiled softly, ‘thank you’._  
_She sunk back below the remaining bubbles as Delphine repositioned herself and leant against the tubs side; her eyes once_ _again studying the book in her grasp._  
_‘You’re welcome, Cosima’._

 

Shay watched over Cosima protectively as her eyes grew heavy.  
‘Thank you,’ she whispered as she descended further into a blissful stupor; her eyes finally settling shut.  
‘You’re welcome, Cosima’. 

 

————

‘Delphine!’  
Cosima shot up from her reclined position and breathed frantically; the room around her was dark and she was disoriented in her new setting.  
‘Cosima?’  
Her body whipped around in the direction of the soft voice calling her name. A light suddenly illuminated the room and her eyes focused on Shay, rubbing her eyes and propping herself up on the opposite side of the couch.  
‘Wh-?’ Cosima, felt at the bedside table for her glasses, making contact with them quickly; she pulled them to her face and realised she was in Shay’s bed, ‘Shay?’  
‘Hey, you okay?’  
Cosima shook her head slightly, still puzzled.  
‘What time is it?’  
Shay studied the watch on her wrist, ‘uh, 4:37am’.  
‘What am I…What happened?’  
‘Nothing, babe. You’re okay. You crashed super hard, I didn’t want to disturb you’.  
Cosima looked down to see herself dressed in a loose, white shirt.  
‘It was the easiest thing I could get you dressed in, I hope that’s okay?’  
‘Yeah, totally’ she swallowed hard, ‘thank you’.  
The two women smiled gently at each other.  
‘You okay, now?’  
Cosima nodded.  
‘Alright, I’ll see you in the morning.  
Cosima nodded again and with a flick, Shay disappeared in the darkness.  
She lied back down and stared in the direction of the ceiling; she was suddenly reminded of the events that led her here and she cringed.  
‘Shay?’  
‘Yeah?’  
‘Can you come here?’  
Soft rustling, followed by quiet footsteps echoed in the still room; suddenly, Cosima felt Shay slip under the covers beside her.  
Cosima rolled over and focused; she felt Shay’s warmth only inches away.  
She listened with intent as she counted the seconds between Shay’s inhales and exhales.  
Moments passed.  
‘Clones’.  
Silence.  
And then, ‘what?’  
‘Clones. That’s the ‘classified science’ me and Delphine work on. Clones’.  
Cosima was relieved to have the darkness on her side, although she could only imagine the horror on Shay’s face.  
‘Okay’.  
She was surprisingly calm.  
‘And…’, Cosima paused hesitantly.  
‘Yeah?’  
‘I am…I’m a clone’.  
She felt Shay shift; drawing slightly closer.  
‘You are 324B21, aren’t you?’  
‘Yes’, she whispered.  
‘And Delphine-’  
‘Is, _was_ , my monitor’.  
‘That’s how you met?’  
She nodded and then realised Shy couldn’t have possibly seen that; ‘yes, she was assigned to watch me, to collect data and pass it on to DYAD’.  
‘But something else happened, didn’t it?’  
A smile crept on to Cosima’s face, unexpectedly.  
‘I fell in love’.  
‘And so did she’.  
Cosima felt her bottom lip tremble.  
‘Yeah’.  
They grew silent again.  
‘I feel like there’s more’, Shay whispered, breaking the silence.  
‘What I am, what we were involved in, was top secret, to say the least. It’s pretty heavy shit’, Cosima clenched her fists tightly, ‘and it was dangerous’.  
‘Dangerous, how?’  
‘People getting hurt,’ she sighed, ‘people being killed’.  
She tried to hear for any shift in Shay’s breathing; but she remained constant.  
‘People you know?’  
‘Yes’, Cosima answered, letting out an unexpected cry.  
‘Something happened to Delphine, didn’t it’, Shay responded assuredly.  
Cosima felt her heart shatter.  
‘They say it was suicide, but they’re full of shit’, she heaved, ‘they’ve done this before!’.  
‘Hey,’ Shay reached out blindly for Cosima’s face, ‘shhhh’, she shuffled closer to Cosima’s proximity.  
‘I will never know what happened to her. All I know is I didn’t do anything to stop it from happening’, the sobs worked their way up from the deepest corners of her chest, ‘she constantly fought for me, and I abandoned her and…left her to die’.  
She felt Shay suddenly cling against her frame tightly; stroking her face gently.  
‘Cosima, we will fix this. We will find out the truth’, Shay whispered in her ear.  
‘How? You don’t understand just what DYAD are capable of’.  
‘Perhaps not but, Cosima, my military training was in more than just weapons or tactics’.  
Cosima suddenly settled; her body growing quite.  
‘I am a Clandestine Operations Officer, Cosima, and I can find out what happened to Delphine’.


End file.
